Friday, May 30, 2014

The ABC's of a Stereotypical 20-something

A is for... Anthropologie
And Free People, and Urban Outfitters, and other other store where you can spend upwards of forty dollars on a cotton t-shirt.

B is for.... Brunch
Especially if said brunch takes up your entire Sunday and involves a lot of bottomless alcohlolic beverages.

C is for... CC Cream 
And all the other mysterious beauty products no one understands, like BB creams, and hair meringue, and various vague serums.

D is for... DIY
Because we all absolutely need to make our own coffee tables out of wine corks and artwork out of melted crayons. Because Pinterest said so.

E is for... E!
You're lying if you don't love a little red carpet action, and the speed at which we all know when Kylie Jenner dyes her hair a new color.

F is for... Fun Runs
Because we are apparently living in a world where it's acceptable to ask your friends to run with you in a social setting.

G is for... Girls
If you've never identified with Hannah Horvath while simultaneously hating her with a white hot passion, you haven't really lived.

H is for... Hashtag
Hashtags are things that are making the news these days, folks. It's no longer just about #foodporn or how #blessed you are.

I is for... Instagram
The perfect vehicle for making sure everyone in your social circle sees the cute outfit you wore without actually having to see any of them.

J is for... Juice Cleanse
Because for some reason, no one seems to see the health risks of liquefying all your meals. Solid foods are for Baby Boomers and kids under 16, obviously.

K is for... Kale
Favorite topics of conversation at brunch include your favorite innovative ways to up your kale intake, including an all-kale juice cleanse.

L is for... Loan Debt
Nothing instantly unites a crowd of 20-something acquaintances at a party like bitching about who has the most student loan debt.

M is for... Marilyn Monroe
You haven't lived until you've falsely attributed a wise quote to Marilyn Monroe, or hung a picture of her in your bedroom.

N is for... Netflix
And the Friday nights you spend alone with your laptop, a bottle of Barefoot moscato, and all five seasons of Breaking Bad.

O is for... OkCupid
And Tinder, and all the other online dating systems you will misguidedly try. You'll make an account looking for Prince Charming and delete it after your fifteenth "dtf?" message.

P is for... Pumpkin Spice
Pumpkin spice latte. Pumpkin spice scented candles. Pumpkin Spice body wash. Pumpkin spice cookies. There's no stopping the madness, which is only eclipsed by Starbucks red holiday cups.

Q is for... Queen Bey
Beyonce is literally untouchable at this point. I know "The Beygency" was just a funny SNL skit, but seriously, try saying you don't love Beyonce at a party full of 20-somethings. It will not be pretty.

R is for... Riding Boots
Similar to boat shoes, riding boots are shoes that have been taken out of their original context and used as a fashion statement, regardless of your close relationship to the horse community.

S is for... Selfie
There's literally a song about them.

T is for... Tapas
Nothing says trendy like paying 12 dollars a piece for tiny portions of food that you then get to share with six other people.

U is for... Urbanite
Because the suburbs are really lacking in their brunch options, and your mom's next-door neighbor has probably never heard "Drunk in Love."

V is for... Vodka Sodas
For when you just want to get drunk on a diet and don't give a shit about taste. Kale chips by day, vodka sodas by night.

W is for... Wine
We are the generation they make wine to-go cups for.

X is for... Xanax
Is it surprising that the age group with thousands of dollars in soul-crushing debt might be a tad bit emotionally damaged?

Y is for... Yoga Pants
For the gym, for the grocery store, for nights in with Netflix–– there's no trustier friend than your best pair of yogas.

Z is for... Zumba
Because even our workouts have to be trendy, and squats to "Dark Horse" are so much easier than regular squats.

3 comments:

  1. This is amazing, and also sadly true to my life. Does this make me "basic?" I still think, at 25, I'm too old to get what that is.

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  2. I am in love with this! The sense of humor is superb!

    Beth

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  3. ahah love this! your sense of humor is amazing!
    xo
    Orly
    coffeebeansandhighheels.weebly.com

    ReplyDelete