Friday, May 30, 2014

The ABC's of a Stereotypical 20-something

A is for... Anthropologie
And Free People, and Urban Outfitters, and other other store where you can spend upwards of forty dollars on a cotton t-shirt.

B is for.... Brunch
Especially if said brunch takes up your entire Sunday and involves a lot of bottomless alcohlolic beverages.

C is for... CC Cream 
And all the other mysterious beauty products no one understands, like BB creams, and hair meringue, and various vague serums.

D is for... DIY
Because we all absolutely need to make our own coffee tables out of wine corks and artwork out of melted crayons. Because Pinterest said so.

E is for... E!
You're lying if you don't love a little red carpet action, and the speed at which we all know when Kylie Jenner dyes her hair a new color.

F is for... Fun Runs
Because we are apparently living in a world where it's acceptable to ask your friends to run with you in a social setting.

G is for... Girls
If you've never identified with Hannah Horvath while simultaneously hating her with a white hot passion, you haven't really lived.

H is for... Hashtag
Hashtags are things that are making the news these days, folks. It's no longer just about #foodporn or how #blessed you are.

I is for... Instagram
The perfect vehicle for making sure everyone in your social circle sees the cute outfit you wore without actually having to see any of them.

J is for... Juice Cleanse
Because for some reason, no one seems to see the health risks of liquefying all your meals. Solid foods are for Baby Boomers and kids under 16, obviously.

K is for... Kale
Favorite topics of conversation at brunch include your favorite innovative ways to up your kale intake, including an all-kale juice cleanse.

L is for... Loan Debt
Nothing instantly unites a crowd of 20-something acquaintances at a party like bitching about who has the most student loan debt.

M is for... Marilyn Monroe
You haven't lived until you've falsely attributed a wise quote to Marilyn Monroe, or hung a picture of her in your bedroom.

N is for... Netflix
And the Friday nights you spend alone with your laptop, a bottle of Barefoot moscato, and all five seasons of Breaking Bad.

O is for... OkCupid
And Tinder, and all the other online dating systems you will misguidedly try. You'll make an account looking for Prince Charming and delete it after your fifteenth "dtf?" message.

P is for... Pumpkin Spice
Pumpkin spice latte. Pumpkin spice scented candles. Pumpkin Spice body wash. Pumpkin spice cookies. There's no stopping the madness, which is only eclipsed by Starbucks red holiday cups.

Q is for... Queen Bey
Beyonce is literally untouchable at this point. I know "The Beygency" was just a funny SNL skit, but seriously, try saying you don't love Beyonce at a party full of 20-somethings. It will not be pretty.

R is for... Riding Boots
Similar to boat shoes, riding boots are shoes that have been taken out of their original context and used as a fashion statement, regardless of your close relationship to the horse community.

S is for... Selfie
There's literally a song about them.

T is for... Tapas
Nothing says trendy like paying 12 dollars a piece for tiny portions of food that you then get to share with six other people.

U is for... Urbanite
Because the suburbs are really lacking in their brunch options, and your mom's next-door neighbor has probably never heard "Drunk in Love."

V is for... Vodka Sodas
For when you just want to get drunk on a diet and don't give a shit about taste. Kale chips by day, vodka sodas by night.

W is for... Wine
We are the generation they make wine to-go cups for.

X is for... Xanax
Is it surprising that the age group with thousands of dollars in soul-crushing debt might be a tad bit emotionally damaged?

Y is for... Yoga Pants
For the gym, for the grocery store, for nights in with Netflix–– there's no trustier friend than your best pair of yogas.

Z is for... Zumba
Because even our workouts have to be trendy, and squats to "Dark Horse" are so much easier than regular squats.


  1. This is amazing, and also sadly true to my life. Does this make me "basic?" I still think, at 25, I'm too old to get what that is.

  2. I am in love with this! The sense of humor is superb!


  3. ahah love this! your sense of humor is amazing!