Tuesday, May 20, 2014

The Happy Single Girl (She Exists, I Swear)

"Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you're pretty, sexy, and you're taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with."

You could say I'm pretty deeply single. At the grocery store, my roommate made fun of me about how excited I got over the frozen pasta bakes that are made for just one person. But before you get ahead of yourself, this post isn't about my search for a guy. In fact, it's kind of the opposite.

When I was younger, I never felt the need for a serious boyfriend. I loved having crushes, but once they were requited I tended to pump the brakes faster than you can say "monogamous." I preferred to spend my time hanging out with friends or just recharging by myself. The glaring exception to that rule would be my three year relationship in college, which was great in that it taught me to be a more selfless person. But since that ended, I've reverted to my natural state of singledom.

There seems to be this pervasive attitude out there that if you're single, you're forever on the hunt for your next man. It sucks for the girls out there like me, who genuinely just want to date casually with no strings attached. I can't tell you how many guys I've told that I want to "keep things casual," just to have them assume I want to be wooed regardless. Public service announcement: some people actually, really do prefer to be unattached at times.

I'm not saying I want to be alone forever or anything, but where I'm at in life right now isn't very conducive to a serious relationship kind of scenario. I'm insanely busy all the time, so when I do have free time, I don't really want to spend it on a relationship. I'd rather spending it writing, or honestly, just hanging out with friends or my couch. That's not to say that busy people can't be in relationships. They can, and do, and I admire them for it, but I'm not in a position where I want to sacrifice any of my own stuff for someone else. I'm sure eventually I will, but now I just don't.

Unfortunately, when you say you like being single, you're met with a lot of speculation. People assume you aren't in a relationship because no one's interested, or because you don't put yourself out there enough, or any other number of reasons. It's hard for some people to swallow the idea that someone could be single by choice.

So here's my happy single girl manifesto: I don't go to bars in search of my next boyfriend, I go to have fun with my friends. If I say I'm not interested in a boyfriend, that is not a guy's invitation to try harder to convince me. Just as we should respect people's choices within relationships, we should respect their choices out of them. We're not all looking for Mr. Right around every corner. I like to flirt, and I might even go on a couple of dates, but it's okay to not have "boyfriend" in your early 20's vocabulary.


  1. this is really inspirational. I have a boyfriend, and i love him. but there was a time when i was desesperate to have one, i felt like a nobody without one. If i have read this a year ago, i would have understand that it is ok to be single, as long as i love myself

  2. I have a boyfriend whom I'm very happy with but for many years before that, I was happy being single. It really is true - some girls are happy being single. :)

    Side note: I've been in a long distance relationship for the past year since he is military and had to move and I've enjoyed being alone and answering only to myself many times. :)